Searching for a hollow pit. To rot and disintegrate. To master apathy and be numb. To see and not to care. To just hear but not listen. A pit where games are really okay and better swans won't cut through fragile emotions.
I want to stranggle them. I want to make them go away. I want to feel good enough. I want what's rightfully mine to be mine and mine alone. If that's being selfish then God damn it, I AM A SELFISH BITCH.
There. So you see, I think it's best not to address the fact that yes, I am jealous. For the very obvious reason that I don't handle my emotions pretty well once they're out in the open. When I keep my emotions with me, it's safe and rational. It's better that way.
Okay, maybe it is pride. But whatever. I don't have to admit that it hurts too, right? or should I?
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